hello again

I wrote the following post the first part of December...I never got around to publishing it-  but re-reading it now, I decided that it is a good explanation of the past six months and a wrap up of 2011...

Quite often over the past six months, way back in the corner of my mind, I get little twangs of guilt because I am not recording our lives.  I have been taking photo's of our happenings but not nearly as many as I used to, not nearly as many as I should be... because- well the more pictures I take the more posts I am behind on my blog and if there are no pictures then I can't feel guilty for not uploading them and writing right? Well I am kind of tired of this guilt I feel and even more tired of not writing... I really like to write- it is an outlet for me and I really love to have a written record to look back on- that is all about life. 

The past six months have been a whirlwind of change for our family... pretty much the hardest six months I've had so far and I am afraid I am going to look back on this time and wish I would have written about the day to day stressed and fears and challenges and all the fun things in between that have kept us going... so I decided I am tired of not writing.  I want to remember life and the best way to do that is to record it... so HELLO AGAIN!

Its funny how perspective changes with time.  You know the saying that wisdom comes with age?  I used to roll my eyes when my mom would tell me that someday I would understand why she told me no, when I thought there was no good reason... Well she was right... now I tell my kids no and they can't figure out why but now I KNOW why... it's perspective.  Five years ago Glen got a new job that required us to move out of the only home I had ever know (cache valley) although I was excited about a new opportunity for him I was reluctant and so stressed out because I had to move away from family and long time friends, I was 8 1/2 months pregnant... I had to pack, clean and sell the house- ALONE since Glen had already started his job 2 hours south and was living with his parents during the week.  I also had 2 active little boys... having to taxi one to school and the other to preschool and I was serving in the Young Womens presidency in church. Did I mention that I was 9 months pregnant with my third baby- tired and cranky ... I remember thinking that my life was so hard and that it was such a trial...I am pretty certain I did not see the blessings until much later- I was young and thought "poor me" At that point in my life- it probably was one of the hardest things that I had to do up to that point ... but I did it - we did it! and we survived and we thrived and relied on each other and I look back and smile (and am a little embarrassed ) at how young I was and how far my life has come.  I have since learned that there are so many things in life that are truly HARD - so many people have really hard trials to bear and I am blessed that I really have an easy comfortable life.

That being said... Didn't I just mention that the past six months have been "the hardest" Well here we go again except this time I do have a little more perspective on my side and although life seems hard...  when that thought "my life is hard"enters my head it is always followed with... "things could be so much worse" and I feel able to see the tender mercies that come along with the hard days. I don't want to come across that I think I am a saint- or mature beyond my years -I am not!- but I share this only because I have to give credit where it is due- I have to tell you that that the reason these thoughts accompany each other has literally been because of prayer.  Our prayers but also the prayers of our dear friends and family- I can really feel love and strength through their thoughts and prayers! I have never felt the power of prayer so tangible.  There have been days when I can literally feel a boost and an extra ability beyond my own to be positive and keep going and it has been my life line- truly amazing!  Now when I tell you about the hardships you might think that I have over exaggerated- but this story is mine and while I am so grateful that I don't have really hard trials- that doesn't take away from the fact that life is hard right now for us.

The end of May we learned that we had to move out of the house we had been renting for the past 3 years- My aunt and uncle who we were renting our home from had to move back into the house! It was very sudden and hard because we LOVED living there, the property, the street, the neighbors!  We had even thought and talked about buying the home if possible and so just the thought of leaving was hard.  It's hard enough to move when it is your own choice but when it is not- that makes it that much harder!  We were not given much notice and basically needed to be out in a little over a month- we were disappointed because we had some fun things planned for the summer but everything was changing and we didn't really have an option!  Luckily- or really I should say- the start of the tender mercies began immediately and we were able to find another home to rent within days of finding out we had to move- Things with the new rental just fell into place and although it is a little farther away (North Logan) than we hoped- it is in good condition, is big enough for our family and has a nice backyard.  My sister Julie was here for the month of June and that was another tender mercy- she kept me sane, literally! :) and she helped me SO much with packing and kids and advice like only a sister can- we were able to squeeze in a few fun things but mostly we packed and cleaned and organized and she even extended her trip a little for me-!!

Anyway that was the start to the hard and since then it has gotten better in some ways and worse in some ways... to keep the story short I will tell you that Glen's current job has continued to go downhill... It started leaning that way not to long after he started the job 3 years ago-with the downturn that the economy took but we hoped it would pull out and be okay.  Sadly, that has not been the case and he has been looking for new employment for a little over a year- the company has been really struggling for the past 7 months and everything really slowed right when we were moving-to the point where we have no steady income- there is just money when there is money and none when it is slow- so that has been very hard and stressful.  This is a very difficult time to be looking for jobs and that has taken it's toll on Glen's confidence. There are so many details that I am reluctant to share and will spare you the drama but basically this time has been really hard for our family and so uncertain... but I did say that life has gotten better in ways... the BEST way has been that we are expecting... Yes, I am pregnant which we are so so so happy about -the timing wasn't quite what we were thinking- obviously (oops!) and it took awhile to wrap my head around the news but we are so excited and realize that we needed this blessing at this very time to help remind us that life is precious and family and being together is all that really matters in life and as long as we focus on that - the other material things in life don't matter!

Basically we are taking each day... one at a time.  It is so frustrating not knowing what is in store for us and feeling like we don't have a lot of control over our life right now is hard.  So far it is surprisingly working... we are getting by and the timing of payments due and cash flow seem to be matching up so far... we both just worry wondering how long it will be before a new job opportunity happens or what happens if things start to get worse... Glen is doing everything he can possibly do while being weighed down with tremendous stress at work, stress of looking for work and the day to day stresses of providing for a family... He is amazing... so driven, kind, patient and positive and we are as close as ever working together just trying to get by!  My grandma always tells me that the hard times always end up being some of the best times in life and although I like it a lot when life is not hard- I do see that with hard times comes lots of stretching of self, it builds faith and can strengthen love and it makes blessings more easily recognized.

We have always wanted a big family and we are so excited to have another baby!  We found out the middle of October that we are having another boy... five little boys!!  I still can't believe it!  I never would have thought that I'd get all boys... who knows maybe #6 will be a girl :)

I have SO much to catch up on and write about... I can't even remember for sure how to upload pictures and how this whole blog even works anymore... but I am going to figure it out!  I may not ever get caught up.... heaven knows I have a little ocd when it comes to details and writing this blog "in order of events"... but I just may have to let go... not look back and just start fresh from today - hey... maybe that is advice I should not only take concerning this blog but LIFE too... look forward, chin up!

I am currently working on a mini re-cap of the past six months!   A re-cap of our 2011!  What a year it has been!....This story continues and it got worse for awhile - but it does get better!!!... right when we needed it most... it got better!  I want to share all the details... so stay tuned and hopefully my re-fresher course on blogging won't take too long- (I am sure it's not a good sign that I seriously cannot remember how blogger works...  yikes!)  check back in a few days!