I don't think I will even be able to put into words the emotions of the past few months! (see previous post if you have no idea what I am talking about!) I don't want to sound dramatic and draw this out but I do want to remember the details and I think this is a story that should be shared-there is too much to explain here though so I will do my best to keep it short and sweet and I hope it makes sense!
The emotions over the past few months included...so many days full of uncertainty - ups and downs... hope followed by disappointments over and over again. Frustration and finding myself asking "why?" Being pregnant with my fifth, so tired, emotional and sick did not help- all in the middle of moving into a new house that I was not excited about - it was not a very fun time. I felt trapped in the new house- not enough windows!...and rather than look at boxes to unpack, most days I just laid in the backyard on the porch swing in my pajamas watching my little boys play in the sand box - I swear everyone of my new neighbors came to meet me when I was in the mentioned state and not knowing the circumstances probably thought I was a real loser!- awesome!
Day to day I was literally pouring my heart out and begging through constant prayer for things to work out! With a baby on the way more stress was added to the speed in which we needed something good to come along! I didn't even tell anyone that I was expecting ( I will share all those details in a later post) it just took awhile to sink in and I hoped that we could share the news of a baby along with the news of a new job and then it wouldn't seem so irresponsible or something?! ...Well, things did work out- but in small ways and different ways than I thought they would! The changes we needed didn't work out as quickly as I first expected or as quickly as we would have liked- but through the waiting I learned so much! I learned the meaning of patience and I learned and came to really understand that prayer is not always answered in the ways that WE want or what we think is most important at the time- but prayers ARE always answered... it didn't happen in the way that was easy but during a time when I would have expected to feel the most abandoned and alone- I felt constant comfort and my thoughts ALWAYS came to the conclusion that things would be fine no matter what was to come... it was part of a plan for us- a plan designed to stretch us and help us to learn and grow. I got through the hardest days thanks to pep talks from my husband- I love him! I shed many tears and sobbed on the phone frequently to my sisters and my mom. They ALWAYS knew just the right thing to say or do to bring those thoughts and feelings of peace to my mind. My prayers were answered in so many ways. Lots of times the lessons we learn in life are forgotten- they fade with time... but we both feel that the lessons we learned through this small trial have forever changed us individually, as spouses and as a family. I know that EVERY little thing that happens in life prepares us a bit for the next thing that is meant to be. Starting with our upbringing, the people who are placed in our lives, the hardships the good things... through it all we are better able to be shaped into who we are and who we were meant to be. I learned humility... which was probably the hardest lesson of all- to have to apply for free lunch at school for the boys, to have to pull our kids out of piano lessons, be on medicaid for this pregnancy, take help from people, admit that we were struggling was SO hard... I have grown up learning and knowing about the importance of serving others and many times I heard people say that sometimes the harder part is accepting service from others. I didn't fully understand that until now- through this experience... It was SO hard to let pride go! I know those things (medicaid, low income programs etc) are set in place for people like us going through times like these but that did not make it any easier to come to the realization that I was the one on the other side of the service and the hard times and that we were the ones struggling!
We all have different burdens to bear and things to learn... One particular hard day I was on the phone with my little sister Julie. I asked her why life can't just be easy- why doesn't it seem to work out for us ever?- I know lots of people who have it easy- never have to struggle financially- people who don't know what it's like to wonder if you can buy groceries the next week... yada yada... she reminded me that everyone has struggles in different ways-most of the time there are things that we can't see... I agreed with her and I know that -but I also know there are people who life just works out for- for whatever reason- they don't really have hard thins- what she said changed my perspective- she told me I was strong enough to get through it and that is why this hard thing was given to me- her comment made me think of my blessings- I realized that I am strong- I have a strong testimony and come from a strong family- I have a strong relationship with my husband -my kids are happy and healthy and such good easy boys, we have the things that we need... the things that matter most -we have! because of all of that I did feel strong! I was able to feel that there was a greater purpose to this little trial and that made me feel stronger and more able to get through it. At church whenever people spoke or bore testimony - the things they said seemed to be just for me- like never before! The lessons I prepared for Sharing Time in Primary always had a round about way of helping me to remember the importance of the simpleness and happiness of the gospel. I had so many friends who seemed to know just when I needed a phone call, a hug or a day out - the people around me -my friends- were placed in my life at this time and were Heavenly Father's way of showing his love for me. I've always had all of this in my life- it was just that it took a hard time to really make me see it and to appreciate it!
During this time the hardest part was not knowing for how long we would be so uncertain of our future and what it was going to come down to... how bad would it get for us? I knew that as long as we had each other and our family it would be fine... but I just wanted a number of months....a voice from heaven to tell me- "things will be difficult for 7 months and then you will have employment." or "Things will be bad for one year and you will have to move in with your parents, sell your car and work 3 jobs but then after a year things will get better".... you know?.... just not knowing what is to come is the hardest part!
The circumstances of how things changed and "got better" for us is also hard to put into words- looking back and now being able to see more clearly how every little thing fit into the big picture and how every opportunity that didn't work out and was such a disappointment at the time...but now seeing that those disappointments were actually blessings- because they put us right where we are today... it is very overwhelming to think about!
When Glen first started looking for a job- we were kind of picky about where, when, what- the details but as time went on with no real leads we started to get less picky and eventually we had to give up what we thought was best and just had to take a leap of faith and trust that if we did everything we could do that things would fall into place for us at some point... we just had to let go and when we finally did that- that is when things deep down really felt right and that is when all the thoughts of peace and comfort came... there was still worry and tears- but like I said there was peace
All through the months of November and December everything worked out- so many blessings and tender mercies. Big ones and small ones. Someone did the 12 days of Christmas for us for the first 12 days in December- those days were some of the hardest and most stressful for us and it was so nice to have something to look forward to as a family each night- to unwrap a little gift was so fun for the boys and helped bring the Christmas spirit in so many ways. I was heavily involved with a fundraiser for one of my close friends who had a baby with a rare disorder and it was such a good distraction for me to be so busy and it reminded me of my blessings even through the difficulties. My mom seemed to know when I was getting low on milk and she would drop off a gallon of milk every once in awhile as well as cases of beans, soup, a box of potatoes, chicken, oranges, egg nog for the boys- all just at random times! I didn't think we really needed it- I didn't ask for it- but she knew we did need it and it ended up helping so much! My parents did some Christmas shopping for the boys, our siblings helped, Glen's parents were prompted to help financially when we had no idea how we would make things work one week- somehow they knew and they gave without hesitation or asking. Our friends and ward members were the same way- full of concern and love- When we moved out of our house in Hyde Park we knew we had some uncertainty ahead. we didn't know for how long but I was pregnant and needed the security of my friends and my calling in the Primary Presidency so we decided to continue going to our ward there. We didn't know how many changes were ahead and it just felt best to minimize change for the time being. We felt good about that decision although it was hard because we felt bad missing out on the new ward and neighborhood we moved into in North Logan but now we see that it was the right thing for us to do at the time and having my Primary calling keeping me busy and my dear friends and connections during that time really helped me. Instead of missing out on the ward we moved into in North Logan they welcomed us regardless and understood our circumstances. We have great connections with our neighbors- they didn't judge my days in pajamas laying in the backyard after all ! :) Our North Logan ward has been concerned for us and helped us as well as our ward in Hyde Park... It has been an incredible journey and through these past few moths we have found ourselves in tears of gratitude and in awe of our blessings everyday!!
I am getting to the good news I promise - but to really get a feel for how down to the wire it was for us- I am going to quickly explain the days leading up to the good news.
The first part of December Glen was in the process of interviewing and waiting to hear back from about 4 potential jobs- Through this process it seemed to come in spurts like this- several opportunities at once and then weeks of nothing. At this time (end of November) things at his current job were basically at a stand still- no income, so Glen started doing some temp jobs at night and on Saturdays to try to make ends meet- These temp jobs included; cleaning the cheese trays at Gossners cheese factory, he did some heavy labor- working on the construction of the LDS temple in Brigham, and he power washed floors and painted after hours at a few local businesses. I felt so bad that he was doing this extra work and I shouldn't have been surprised because I know him- but still I was surprised and gained a deeper love and respect for him that I cannot explain- because NOT ONCE did he complain or even let on that this temp work was grunt work- He was grateful for the opportunities that came up and he made the best of it... working during the day under so much stress all day and then going to a second job til late and even through the night with little to no sleep. I don't know how he did it and stayed so positive! He actually said he liked the work. He only talked about the positive -He liked being able to use his Spanish to communicate with the other workers at the cheese plant. He made new friends and one older lady who was a co-worker brought him tamales and shared them on their break time...He made jokes about the "uniform" he had to wear and sent me a picture on his phone of him in a hair net, rubber boots, gloves up to his elbows and a cover-all... anyway you get the picture of what a lucky girl I am to have him- This gives you an idea of Glen's attitude through this whole thing- He is the greatest, most amazing guy... and he is mine- I can't even believe it!
So in the meantime we had those 4 potential jobs that I mentioned and we were on pins and needles waiting to hear, hoping for good news because it was to the point that if one of these didn't happen we were going to have to make some big changes which included moving into my parents basement and most likely both of us working and Glen having to work several jobs. Well the first job we heard good news from was an offer for a position to be a store manger at a new T- mobile (cell phone) store in Denver- One of Glen's friends is the area manager and wanted to hire Glen to manage one of his stores- It was actually a pretty good position and had a lot of potential for growth down the road... but until then- it was not great income and the expense of moving and the timing with a baby on the way in 10 weeks- was not ideal... but it was something and so we felt like we couldn't pass it up! We couldn't be picky at this point and Glen was excited about the opportunity! It was supposed to start in Denver on Jan. 2nd- which was coming quickly!! a bit reluctantly -we decided that Glen would go to Denver and open this new store- he was expected to be VERY busy opening the store and hiring employees and we knew we could not pack up and move that fast so I was going to stay here until after the baby and most likely just wait until school was out in May to join him! I was planning to move in with my parents and he would fly home once a month to see us, but most likely, being that far away he would miss the birth of our baby... it was such a crazy thing to plan for and think about because although we were excited in some ways- we had to have income!... I just couldn't believe that this was what it came down to for us!
I hoped that maybe in the next week Glen would get another offer... but I felt pretty hopeless! I just felt drained... I was frustrated too because up to this point I knew that we were doing our best to stay positive and have faith and this just didn't feel like what was supposed to happen! In frustration I prayed and I told Heavenly Father (in kind of a bossy way :) ) that we were at a critical point and if this is what He had in store for us- then fine-we would make the best of it but I reminded Him that this was not what I had in mind! We were doing good things and had been promised blessings and now would be a really good time to receive those blessings and if Denver was the blessing- then just let it be easier somehow! I pleaded that He would continue to help us! Glen was doing all he could and I basically just let Heavenly Father know that I felt it was out of my hands- I kept thinking of a scripture in the book of Mormon D&C 84:88 ... "I will go before your face. I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you to bear you up." and I knew He had been and was in all those places guiding and comforting and that His angels were literally bearing me up! I knew I couldn't do more than I already was and I just let Him know that I was placing all my fears and worries at his feet and letting go--After my ranting and pleading and crying which was not new, believe me! After it all- once again I had an overwhelming feeling that "everything will be okay" I had no idea how... but I had to make the best of the situation and trust.
I know I keep jumping around- I just don't want to leave things out, although I know I am!- so much for short and sweet huh? Almost done...
So back to the Denver job and those last crazy days ... The jobs we were waiting to hear from were slow moving and we didn't think we would hear yes or no in the process of them until after the holidays, however there was one that was too good to be true that we had a chance of hearing back from before January!... but like I said - I felt too good to be true. Over the months there were positions that felt so right and were great opportunities and Glen got really close - where he was in the top 2 or 3 position for the job and then they fell through for him and the companies went with the other candidates- He even had a few offers that were put on hold at the last minute for random reasons-it seemed that it just was not going to ever work out! the jobs he really wanted- were not the happening this job that was too good to be true was one of those- it just would have been too easy!
In taking the Denver position Glen was supposed to start Jan. 2nd in Denver- but through the holidays he was going to go to Idaho and learn more about the position and store management etc.... so the week before he was scheduled to go to Idaho we began having mixed feelings about what to do because since Glen's friend was helping him to get this position he felt strongly that once he said "yes" he needed to stick to it but was torn because one of the other jobs would have been a better fit- it's just that we didn't know if one of the other jobs would even have an offer.... Glen was hoping to hear back from the one potential company before he actually started the Denver job. He had interviewed with them several times over about a two week period and they told him they would let him know... but he didn't hear anything that entire week that they told him they would contact him.... So finally, the Friday of that week (Dec. 16th) which was the Friday before he was supposed to start the Denver job in Idaho he felt that he needed to know one way or the other so that we could make a decision for sure about the Denver position. Friday morning I woke up and Glen was gone... he woke up early and decided to go to the temple to try to just clear his head. He came home and told me that he really felt like the position in Denver, although was a good opportunity- just didn't feel like the right thing for us right now. He was planning on calling about the other job opportunity just to see if they had made a decision-not looking for an offer but just hoping to find out where he stood with them. He was in turmoil because he knew he was going to turn down the Denver position and although he wanted to feel optimistic about the other position- the fact that he had not heard anything was disheartening and he worried that he would say no to Denver and then also the other job would not work out and then we'd be back to square one- and back to uncertainty and it was at the breaking point for us....
So he headed off to work to battle the stress there and to make some phone calls. He made a few calls hoping to find out anything about the other job and finally got a call back around 3pm from the hiring manager who told him that they were in the process of writing up an offer for him!!! A JOB OFFER!!!!! I was at Walmart when I got the call from Glen... it was late in the day and I geared myself up for disappointment when I answered... He told me the news and it was a feeling I can't even describe- relief, shock, excitement and mostly just an overwhelming feeling of love from above - I kept thinking He REALLY does know me, through it all He has been aware and it didn't come easily, but just as He said everything did work out... and just in the nick of time! I could not stop smiling! I didn't even know the details of the new job and Glen didn't have time talk a lot. I hung up and called my mom- I told her and my Dad the news and they were of course so happy for us! That was the start of sharing our news which was so fun because it meant so much! I knew it was good, happy news for us but the thing I realized was that it was not only OUR good news but that over the past several months so many people had been thinking about us, praying for us, hoping for us and it was incredible to know that this news was for all of them too- Our friends and family were just as happy for us as we were! and that meant the world to us!
I guess I still need to tell you about the job huh?!! It was the one that I mentioned that was too good to be true!- Well it is TRUE and it is SO good!- Glen got a position at Harris Research in North Logan! It is located on tenth west- The big building that has all the flags out in front. It is best known for their Chemdry division. Harris Research has two divisions- one is Chemdry that has been around for a long time and the other division which is fairly new and right in the middle of a lot of growth -is called N'hance- Glen's position is with N'hance. He is one of two Franchise Development Directors... doing sales (his expertise!) I know there is a lot to it but basically he will be selling franchises for N'Hance! He started on Tuesday Jan. 3rd which was great because he was home during the holiday break with all of us. It felt so good to face Christmas and a new year knowing that things would be getting better for us and just to think about all the things that were put into place so that we could end up here was pretty special - it was perfect- Christmas was perfect! This first week since Glen started has been so exciting and fun! He came home the first day and was glowing- such a weight has been lifted- He is so happy and so excited about this opportunity- He is very motivated and will do great! He is driven and will be such an asset to the company- They are a great company, have been around for along time and know business- they have great credentials and the people who work there love it!- They are known for treating their employees really well. they have great benefits and perks and we have security and can finally look ahead with some direction and make some goals! It feels so good! Glen had a great first week and really likes the people who he works with- He found out in the interview process that he already knows several of the guys who work for N'hance so that was nice this first week for him to already have those acquaintances and relationships. Glen of course will fit right in... He is so professional, easy to talk to, friendly and funny- everyone loves him and I am so excited to see all the great things in store for him!
This journey has been such a growing process for us! I hope that you get a small glimpse and in the end are able to learn from some of the things that we've learned! I know that when you're on the other side of trials it is always easier to see the good and the process of it and to really appreciate it for what it is- but although the day to day was hard- so many blessings and tender mercies helped us make it though the process and we were able to appreciate so many things during the hard times too! I am so glad that we made it to the other side of this trial and for the lessons learned along the way! I don't know what is in store for us down the road but I know that whatever it is We can get through it because we are not alone!
With everything going on, four little boys to take care of and being pregnant- it has been hard to find time to update my blog, but I would like to share what we've been up to along with all this crazy-ness! So coming up is a mini re-cap of 2011 - and I am dying to get back to the day to day happenings and write an update on my boys and how they are growing and changing as well as write about all of our adventures that are ahead. It's nice to back- back in more ways than blogging!
