2011

I loved our family new year traditions growing up- On New Years Eve we played games and ate treats - you know, the usual party stuff!  We also lined up one of each of our shoes by the front door for the new years baby to fill with little gifts and treats during the night- (usually our dolls and Barbie's shoes too!) The New Year baby tradition of filling the shoes is a tradition passed down from my grandma's Swiss heritage!  The thing I remember looking forward to a lot each year was when we sat around and talked about the year and reminisced a bit, then we each received a piece of paper where we made predictions for the year to come... which of my aunts would have a baby? who would buy a new car? who would vacation and where?  what classes in school might get failed? any broken bones? how many books we might read etc....Some of the predictions were thought through and some of them were just for fun.  But the thing that I learned by doing that is that it is good to reflect and remember life and it is good to look ahead in excitement and plan or set goals.  

I am not a big goal setter, like some people! Well.... let me re-phrase that- I do like to set goals I am just not the best at actually accomplishing them! :)  But good at it or not-this is a tradition that I love so I talked Glen into doing it with our own little family.  It doesn't usually work to do this along with our New Years celebrations- so we do it for our first Family Home Evening of the New Year.  Well, in reading my previous posts about the past year I went into this family Home Evening thinking that although things worked out in the end -I was going to have to embellish our year a little (or a lot!) because it had certainly been our worst year to date- hands down!!  For our activity portion of FHE I got a poster board out- I actually cut it in half because- no way would there be enough items to list to fill it up and I didn't want it to be so obvious what a bad year we'd had!  We began talking about the year and remembering and writing our list of Happenings in 2011 and the list just kept getting bigger and the memories flowed and we laughed and shared our favorite things about the year!  

 We ended up running out of room and didn't even fit everything on our list!  My heart swelled but at the same time I felt a pit of guilt in my stomach because of my attitude- I learned that 2011 was actually one of our best years!! I know my previous posts certainly don't paint that picture but it is true!  In between the hard times we did a lot of really great things! We made some great memories and had some very special things happen!  We all grew a lot through change!  We ended the activity by naming a few of the the items on our list that happened that were not so good- there was a broken arm, a trip to the ER for Gabe, Glen's grandma's passed away... just a few things to mention there-but all the other things we realized were great things that happened in 2011!

We all took some time to set some personal goals and then we set some goals as a family that we  posted up where we would see them everyday-to remind us throughout the year of what we are working on together!  

In trying to protect my kids from knowing "the truth" about our year I learned a few things as we took the time and really thought about the year and focused on all the fun times we had and the neat things we did!  Number One is the importance of recording it- I really feel like if I would have been better about recording our life I would have been more aware of all the great things day to day - just another way to be reminded of blessings is to write about them and look at them! and Number Two is that our Year 2011 seemed like it would go down in history for being our worst year but in reality it was one of the Best ever- it's all about perspective and attitude!

Check back for a little look at our 2011 fun!

O, and Happy New Year!

The rest of the story (it's a long one!...REALLY long!)

I don't think I will even be able to put into words the emotions of the past few months! (see previous post if you have no idea what I am talking about!) I don't want to sound dramatic and draw this out but I do want to remember the details and I think this is a story that should be shared-there is too much to explain here though so I will do my best to keep it short and sweet and I hope it makes sense!

The emotions over the past few months included...so many days full of uncertainty - ups and downs... hope followed by disappointments over and over again.  Frustration and finding myself asking "why?" Being pregnant with my fifth, so tired, emotional and sick did not help-  all in the middle of moving into a new house that I was not excited about - it was not a very fun time.  I felt trapped in the new house- not enough windows!...and rather than look at boxes to unpack, most days I just laid in the backyard on the porch swing in my pajamas watching my little boys play in the sand box - I swear everyone of my new neighbors came to meet me when I was in the mentioned state and not knowing the circumstances probably thought I was a real loser!- awesome!

Day to day I was literally pouring my heart out and begging through constant prayer for things to work out!  With  a baby on the way more stress was added to the speed in which we needed something good to come along!   I didn't even tell anyone that I was expecting ( I will share all those details in a later post) it just took awhile to sink in and I hoped that we could share the news of a baby along with the news of a new job and then it wouldn't seem so irresponsible or something?! ...Well, things did work out- but  in small ways and different ways than I thought they would! The changes we needed didn't work out as quickly as I first expected or as quickly as we would have liked- but through the waiting I learned so much!  I learned the meaning of patience and I learned and came to really understand that prayer is not always answered in the ways that WE want or what we think is most important at the time- but prayers ARE always answered... it didn't happen in the way that was easy but during a time when I would have expected to feel the most abandoned and alone- I felt constant comfort and my thoughts ALWAYS came to the conclusion that things would be fine no matter what was to come... it was part of a plan for us- a plan designed to stretch us and help us to learn and grow.  I got through the hardest days thanks to pep talks from my husband- I love him!  I shed many tears and sobbed on the phone frequently to my sisters and my mom.  They ALWAYS knew just the right thing to say or do to bring those thoughts and feelings of peace to my mind.  My prayers were answered in so many ways.  Lots of times the lessons we learn in life are forgotten- they fade with time... but we both feel that the lessons we learned through this small trial have forever changed us individually, as spouses and as a family.  I know that EVERY little thing that happens in life prepares us a bit for the next thing that is meant to be.  Starting with our upbringing, the people who are placed in our lives, the hardships the good things... through it all we are better able to be shaped into who we are and who we were meant to be.  I learned humility... which was probably the hardest lesson of all- to have to apply for free lunch at school for the boys, to have to pull our kids out of piano lessons, be on medicaid for this pregnancy, take help from people, admit that we were struggling was SO hard...  I have grown up learning and knowing about the importance of serving others and many times I heard people say that sometimes the harder part is accepting service from others.  I didn't fully understand that until now- through this experience... It was SO hard to let pride go! I know those things (medicaid, low income programs etc) are set in place for people like us going through times like these but that did not make it any easier to come to the realization that I was the one on the other side of the service and the hard times and that we were the ones struggling!

We all have different burdens to bear and things to learn... One particular hard day I was on the phone with my little sister Julie.  I asked her why life can't just be easy- why doesn't it seem to work out for us ever?- I know lots of people who have it easy- never have to struggle financially- people who don't know what it's like to wonder if you can buy groceries the next week... yada yada... she reminded me that everyone has struggles in different ways-most of the time there are things that we can't see... I agreed with her and I know that -but I also know there are people who life just works out for- for whatever reason- they don't really have hard thins- what she said changed my perspective- she told me I was strong enough to get through it and that is why this hard thing was given to me- her comment made me think of my blessings- I realized that I am strong- I have a strong testimony and come from a strong family- I have a strong relationship with my husband -my kids are happy and healthy and such good easy boys, we have the things that we need... the things that matter most -we have! because of all of that I did feel strong! I was able to feel that there was a greater purpose to this little trial and that made me feel stronger and more able to get through it.  At church whenever people spoke or bore testimony - the things they said seemed to be just for me- like never before! The lessons I prepared for Sharing Time in Primary always had a round about way of helping me to remember the importance of the simpleness and happiness of the gospel. I had so many friends who seemed to know just when I needed a phone call, a hug or a day out - the people around me -my friends- were placed in my life at this time and were Heavenly Father's way of showing his love for me. I've always had all of this in my life- it was just that it took a hard time to really make me see it and to appreciate it!

During this time the hardest part was not knowing for how long we would be so uncertain of our future and what it was going to come down to... how bad would it get for us?  I knew that as long as we had each other and our family it would be fine... but I just wanted a number of months....a voice from heaven to tell me- "things will be difficult for 7 months and then you will have employment." or "Things will be bad for one year and you will have to move in with your parents, sell your car and work 3 jobs but then after a year things will get better".... you know?.... just not knowing what is to come is the hardest part! 

The circumstances of how things changed and "got better" for us is also hard to put into words- looking back and now being able to see more clearly how every little thing fit into the big picture and how every opportunity that didn't work out and was such a disappointment at the time...but now seeing that those disappointments were actually blessings- because they put us right where we are today... it is very overwhelming to think about!

When Glen first started looking for a job- we were kind of picky about where, when, what- the details but as time went on with no real leads we started to get less picky and eventually we had to give up what we thought was best and just had to take a leap of faith and trust that if we did everything we could do that things would fall into place for us at some point... we just had to let go and when we finally did that- that is when things deep down really felt right and that is when all the thoughts of peace and comfort came... there was still worry and tears- but like I said there was peace

 All through the months of November and December everything worked out- so many blessings and tender mercies.  Big ones and small ones.  Someone did the 12 days of Christmas for us for the first 12 days in December- those days were some of the hardest and most stressful for us and it was so nice to have something to look forward to as a family each night- to unwrap a little gift was so fun for the boys and helped bring the Christmas spirit in so many ways.  I was heavily involved with a fundraiser for one of my close friends who had a baby with a rare disorder and it was such a good distraction for me to be so busy and it reminded me of my blessings even through the difficulties.  My mom seemed to know when I was getting low on milk and she would drop off a gallon of milk every once in awhile as well as cases of beans, soup, a box of potatoes, chicken, oranges, egg nog for the boys- all just at random times!  I didn't think we really needed it- I didn't ask for it- but she knew we did need it and it ended up helping so much! My parents did some Christmas shopping for the boys, our siblings helped, Glen's parents were prompted to help financially when we had no idea how we would make things work one week- somehow they knew and they gave without hesitation or asking.  Our friends and ward members were the same way- full of concern and love- When we moved out of our house in Hyde Park we knew we had some uncertainty ahead.  we didn't know for how long but I was pregnant and needed the security of my friends and my calling in the Primary Presidency so we decided to continue going to our ward there.  We didn't know how many changes were ahead and it just felt best to minimize change for the time being. We felt good about that decision although it was hard because we felt bad missing out on the new ward and neighborhood we moved into in North Logan but now we see that it was the right thing for us to do at the time and having my Primary calling keeping me busy and my dear friends and connections during that time really helped me.  Instead of missing out on the ward we moved into in North Logan they welcomed us regardless and understood our circumstances.  We have great connections with our neighbors- they didn't judge my days in pajamas laying in the backyard after all ! :)  Our North Logan ward has been concerned for us and helped us as well as our ward in Hyde Park... It has been an incredible journey and through these past few moths we have found ourselves in tears of gratitude and in awe of our blessings everyday!!

 I am getting to the good news I promise - but to really get a feel for how down to the wire it was for us- I am going to quickly explain the days leading up to the good news.

The first part of December Glen was in the process of interviewing and waiting to hear back from about 4 potential jobs- Through this process it seemed to come in spurts like this- several opportunities at once and then weeks of nothing.  At this time (end of November) things at his current job were basically at a stand still- no income, so Glen started doing some temp jobs at night and on Saturdays to try to make ends meet- These temp jobs included; cleaning the cheese trays at Gossners cheese factory, he did some heavy labor- working on the construction of the LDS temple in Brigham, and he power washed floors and painted after hours at a few local businesses. I felt so bad that he was doing this extra work and I shouldn't have been surprised because I know him- but still I was surprised and gained a deeper love and respect for him that I cannot explain- because NOT ONCE did he complain or even let on that this temp work was grunt work- He was grateful for the opportunities that came up and he made the best of it... working during the day under so much stress all day and then going to a second job til late and even through the night with little to no sleep.  I don't know how he did it and stayed so positive! He actually said he liked the work.  He only talked about the positive -He liked being able to use his Spanish to communicate with the other workers at the cheese plant.  He made new friends and one older lady who was a co-worker brought him tamales and shared them on their break time...He made jokes about the "uniform" he had to wear and sent me a picture on his phone of him in a hair net, rubber boots, gloves up to his elbows and a cover-all... anyway you get the picture of what a lucky girl I am to have him- This gives you an idea of Glen's attitude through this whole thing- He is the greatest, most amazing guy... and he is mine- I can't even believe it!

So in the meantime we had those 4 potential jobs that I mentioned and we were on pins and needles waiting to hear, hoping for good news because it was to the point that if one of these didn't happen we were going to have to make some big changes which included moving into my parents basement and most likely both of us working and Glen having to work several jobs.  Well the first job we heard good news from was an offer for a position to be a store manger at a new  T- mobile (cell phone) store in Denver- One of Glen's friends is the area manager and wanted to hire Glen to manage one of his stores- It was actually a pretty good position and had a lot of potential for growth down the road... but until then- it was not great income and the expense of moving and the timing with a baby on the way in 10 weeks- was not ideal... but it was something and so we felt like we couldn't pass it up!  We couldn't be picky at this point and Glen was excited about the opportunity! It was supposed to start in Denver on Jan. 2nd- which was coming quickly!! a bit reluctantly -we decided that Glen would go to Denver and open this new store- he was expected to be VERY busy opening the store and hiring employees and we knew we could not pack up and move that fast so I was going to stay here until after the baby and most likely just wait until school was out in May to join him!  I was planning to move in with my parents and he would fly home once a month to see us, but most likely, being that far away he would miss the birth of our baby... it was such a crazy thing to plan for and think about because although we were excited in some ways- we had to have income!... I just couldn't believe that this was what it came down to for us!

I hoped that maybe in the next week Glen would get another offer... but I felt pretty hopeless! I just felt drained... I was frustrated too because up to this point I knew that we were doing our best to stay positive and have faith and this just didn't feel like what was supposed to happen!  In frustration I prayed and I told Heavenly Father (in kind of a bossy way  :) ) that we were at a critical point and if this is what He had in store for us- then fine-we would make the best of it but I reminded Him that this was not what I had in mind!  We were doing good things and had been promised blessings and now would be a really good time to receive those blessings and if Denver was the blessing- then just let it be easier somehow!  I pleaded that He would continue to help us! Glen was doing all he could and I basically just let Heavenly Father know that I felt it was out of my hands- I kept thinking of a scripture in the book of Mormon D&C 84:88 ... "I will go before your face.  I will be on your right hand and on your left, and my spirit shall be in your hearts, and mine angels round about you to bear you up."  and I knew He had been and was in all those places guiding and comforting and that His angels were literally bearing me up! I knew I couldn't do more than I already was and I just let Him know that I was placing all my fears and worries at his feet and letting go--After my ranting and pleading and crying which was not new, believe me!  After it all- once again I had an overwhelming feeling that "everything will be okay" I had no idea how... but I had to make the best of the situation and trust.

I know I keep jumping around- I just don't want to leave things out, although I know I am!- so much for short and sweet huh?  Almost done...

 So back to the Denver job and those last crazy days ... The jobs we were waiting to hear from were slow moving and we didn't think we would hear yes or no in the process of them until after the holidays, however there was one that was too good to be true that we had a chance of hearing back from before January!... but like I said - I felt too good to be true.  Over the months there were positions that felt so right and were great opportunities and Glen got really close - where he was in the top 2 or 3 position for the job and then they fell through for him and the companies went with the other candidates- He even had a few offers that were put on hold at the last minute for random reasons-it seemed that it just was not going to ever work out!  the jobs he really wanted- were not the happening this job that was too good to be true was one of those- it just would have been too easy!

In taking the Denver position Glen was supposed to start Jan. 2nd in Denver- but through the holidays he was going to go to Idaho and learn more about the position and store management etc.... so the week before he was scheduled to go to Idaho we began having mixed feelings about what to do  because since Glen's friend was helping him to get this position he felt strongly that once he said "yes" he needed to stick to it but was torn because one of the other jobs would have been a better fit- it's just that we didn't know if one of the other jobs would even have an offer.... Glen was hoping to hear back from the one potential company before he actually started the Denver job. He had interviewed with them several times over about a two week period and they told him they would let him know... but he didn't hear anything that entire week that they told him they would contact him.... So finally, the Friday of that week  (Dec. 16th) which was the Friday before he was supposed to start the Denver job in Idaho he felt that he needed to know one way or the other so that we could make a decision for sure about the Denver position.  Friday morning I woke up and Glen was gone... he woke up early and decided to go to the temple to try to just clear his head.  He came home and told me that he really felt like the position in Denver, although was a good opportunity- just didn't feel like the right thing for us right now.  He was planning on calling about the other job opportunity just to see if they had made a decision-not looking for an offer but just hoping to find out where he stood with them.  He was in turmoil because he knew he was going to turn down the Denver position and although he wanted to feel optimistic about the other position- the fact that he had not heard anything was disheartening and he worried that he would say no to Denver and then also the other job would not work out and then we'd be back to square one- and back to uncertainty and it was at the breaking point for us....

So he headed off to work to battle the stress there and to make some phone calls.  He made a few calls hoping to find out anything about the other job and finally got a call back around 3pm from the hiring manager who told him that they were in the process of writing up an offer for him!!!  A JOB OFFER!!!!!  I was at Walmart when I got the call from Glen... it was late in the day and I geared myself up for disappointment when I answered... He told me the news and it was a feeling I can't even describe- relief, shock, excitement and mostly just an overwhelming feeling of love from above - I kept thinking He REALLY does know me, through it all He has been aware and it didn't come easily, but just as He said everything did work out... and just in the nick of time!  I could not stop smiling! I didn't even know the details of the new job and Glen didn't have time talk a lot.  I hung up and called my mom- I told her and my Dad the news and they were of course so happy for us! That was the start of sharing our news which was so fun because it meant so much! I knew it was good, happy news for us but the thing I realized was that it was not only OUR good news but that over the past several months so many people had been thinking about us, praying for us, hoping for us and it was incredible to know that this news was for all of them too- Our friends and family were just as happy for us as we were! and that meant the world to us!

I guess I still need to tell you about the job huh?!!  It was the one that I mentioned that was too good to be true!- Well it is TRUE and it is SO good!- Glen got a position at Harris Research in North Logan!  It is located on tenth west- The big building that has all the flags out in front.  It is best known for their Chemdry division.  Harris Research has two divisions- one is Chemdry that has been around for a long time and the other division which is fairly new and right in the middle of a lot of growth -is called N'hance- Glen's position is with N'hance.  He is one of two Franchise Development Directors... doing sales (his expertise!) I know there is a lot to it but basically he will be selling franchises for N'Hance!  He started on Tuesday Jan. 3rd which was great because he was home during the holiday break with all of us.  It felt so good to face Christmas and a new year knowing that things would be getting better for us and just to think about all the things that were put into place so that we could end up here was pretty special - it was perfect- Christmas was perfect!  This first week since Glen started has been so exciting and fun! He came home the first day and was glowing- such a weight has been lifted- He is so happy and so excited about this opportunity- He is very motivated and will do great! He is driven and will be such an asset to the company- They are a great company, have been around for along time and know business- they have great credentials and the people who work there love it!- They are known for treating their employees really well.  they have great benefits and perks and we have security and can finally look ahead with some direction and make some goals!  It feels so good! Glen had a great first week and really likes the people who he works with- He found out in the interview process that he already knows several of the guys who work for N'hance so that was nice this first week for him to already have those acquaintances and relationships.  Glen of course will fit right in...  He is so professional, easy to talk to, friendly and funny- everyone loves him and I am so excited to see all the great things in store for him!

 This journey has been such a growing process for us! I hope that you get a small glimpse and in the end are able to learn from some of the things that we've learned!  I know that when you're on the other side of trials it is always easier to see the good and the process of it and to really appreciate it for what it is- but although the day to day was hard- so many blessings and tender mercies helped us make it though the process and we were able to appreciate so many things during the hard times too! I am so glad that we made it to the other side of this trial and for the lessons learned along the way! I don't know what is in store for us down the road but I know that whatever it is We can get through it because we are not alone!

With everything going on, four little boys to take care of and being pregnant- it has been hard to find time to update my blog, but I would like to share what we've been up to along with all this crazy-ness! So coming up is a mini re-cap of 2011 - and I am dying to get back to the day to day happenings and write an update on my boys and how they are growing and changing as well as write about all of our adventures that are ahead.  It's nice to back- back in more ways than blogging!

hello again

I wrote the following post the first part of December...I never got around to publishing it-  but re-reading it now, I decided that it is a good explanation of the past six months and a wrap up of 2011...

Quite often over the past six months, way back in the corner of my mind, I get little twangs of guilt because I am not recording our lives.  I have been taking photo's of our happenings but not nearly as many as I used to, not nearly as many as I should be... because- well the more pictures I take the more posts I am behind on my blog and if there are no pictures then I can't feel guilty for not uploading them and writing right? Well I am kind of tired of this guilt I feel and even more tired of not writing... I really like to write- it is an outlet for me and I really love to have a written record to look back on- that is all about life. 

The past six months have been a whirlwind of change for our family... pretty much the hardest six months I've had so far and I am afraid I am going to look back on this time and wish I would have written about the day to day stressed and fears and challenges and all the fun things in between that have kept us going... so I decided I am tired of not writing.  I want to remember life and the best way to do that is to record it... so HELLO AGAIN!

Its funny how perspective changes with time.  You know the saying that wisdom comes with age?  I used to roll my eyes when my mom would tell me that someday I would understand why she told me no, when I thought there was no good reason... Well she was right... now I tell my kids no and they can't figure out why but now I KNOW why... it's perspective.  Five years ago Glen got a new job that required us to move out of the only home I had ever know (cache valley) although I was excited about a new opportunity for him I was reluctant and so stressed out because I had to move away from family and long time friends, I was 8 1/2 months pregnant... I had to pack, clean and sell the house- ALONE since Glen had already started his job 2 hours south and was living with his parents during the week.  I also had 2 active little boys... having to taxi one to school and the other to preschool and I was serving in the Young Womens presidency in church. Did I mention that I was 9 months pregnant with my third baby- tired and cranky ... I remember thinking that my life was so hard and that it was such a trial...I am pretty certain I did not see the blessings until much later- I was young and thought "poor me" At that point in my life- it probably was one of the hardest things that I had to do up to that point ... but I did it - we did it! and we survived and we thrived and relied on each other and I look back and smile (and am a little embarrassed ) at how young I was and how far my life has come.  I have since learned that there are so many things in life that are truly HARD - so many people have really hard trials to bear and I am blessed that I really have an easy comfortable life.

That being said... Didn't I just mention that the past six months have been "the hardest" Well here we go again except this time I do have a little more perspective on my side and although life seems hard...  when that thought "my life is hard"enters my head it is always followed with... "things could be so much worse" and I feel able to see the tender mercies that come along with the hard days. I don't want to come across that I think I am a saint- or mature beyond my years -I am not!- but I share this only because I have to give credit where it is due- I have to tell you that that the reason these thoughts accompany each other has literally been because of prayer.  Our prayers but also the prayers of our dear friends and family- I can really feel love and strength through their thoughts and prayers! I have never felt the power of prayer so tangible.  There have been days when I can literally feel a boost and an extra ability beyond my own to be positive and keep going and it has been my life line- truly amazing!  Now when I tell you about the hardships you might think that I have over exaggerated- but this story is mine and while I am so grateful that I don't have really hard trials- that doesn't take away from the fact that life is hard right now for us.

The end of May we learned that we had to move out of the house we had been renting for the past 3 years- My aunt and uncle who we were renting our home from had to move back into the house! It was very sudden and hard because we LOVED living there, the property, the street, the neighbors!  We had even thought and talked about buying the home if possible and so just the thought of leaving was hard.  It's hard enough to move when it is your own choice but when it is not- that makes it that much harder!  We were not given much notice and basically needed to be out in a little over a month- we were disappointed because we had some fun things planned for the summer but everything was changing and we didn't really have an option!  Luckily- or really I should say- the start of the tender mercies began immediately and we were able to find another home to rent within days of finding out we had to move- Things with the new rental just fell into place and although it is a little farther away (North Logan) than we hoped- it is in good condition, is big enough for our family and has a nice backyard.  My sister Julie was here for the month of June and that was another tender mercy- she kept me sane, literally! :) and she helped me SO much with packing and kids and advice like only a sister can- we were able to squeeze in a few fun things but mostly we packed and cleaned and organized and she even extended her trip a little for me-!!

Anyway that was the start to the hard and since then it has gotten better in some ways and worse in some ways... to keep the story short I will tell you that Glen's current job has continued to go downhill... It started leaning that way not to long after he started the job 3 years ago-with the downturn that the economy took but we hoped it would pull out and be okay.  Sadly, that has not been the case and he has been looking for new employment for a little over a year- the company has been really struggling for the past 7 months and everything really slowed right when we were moving-to the point where we have no steady income- there is just money when there is money and none when it is slow- so that has been very hard and stressful.  This is a very difficult time to be looking for jobs and that has taken it's toll on Glen's confidence. There are so many details that I am reluctant to share and will spare you the drama but basically this time has been really hard for our family and so uncertain... but I did say that life has gotten better in ways... the BEST way has been that we are expecting... Yes, I am pregnant which we are so so so happy about -the timing wasn't quite what we were thinking- obviously (oops!) and it took awhile to wrap my head around the news but we are so excited and realize that we needed this blessing at this very time to help remind us that life is precious and family and being together is all that really matters in life and as long as we focus on that - the other material things in life don't matter!

Basically we are taking each day... one at a time.  It is so frustrating not knowing what is in store for us and feeling like we don't have a lot of control over our life right now is hard.  So far it is surprisingly working... we are getting by and the timing of payments due and cash flow seem to be matching up so far... we both just worry wondering how long it will be before a new job opportunity happens or what happens if things start to get worse... Glen is doing everything he can possibly do while being weighed down with tremendous stress at work, stress of looking for work and the day to day stresses of providing for a family... He is amazing... so driven, kind, patient and positive and we are as close as ever working together just trying to get by!  My grandma always tells me that the hard times always end up being some of the best times in life and although I like it a lot when life is not hard- I do see that with hard times comes lots of stretching of self, it builds faith and can strengthen love and it makes blessings more easily recognized.

We have always wanted a big family and we are so excited to have another baby!  We found out the middle of October that we are having another boy... five little boys!!  I still can't believe it!  I never would have thought that I'd get all boys... who knows maybe #6 will be a girl :)

I have SO much to catch up on and write about... I can't even remember for sure how to upload pictures and how this whole blog even works anymore... but I am going to figure it out!  I may not ever get caught up.... heaven knows I have a little ocd when it comes to details and writing this blog "in order of events"... but I just may have to let go... not look back and just start fresh from today - hey... maybe that is advice I should not only take concerning this blog but LIFE too... look forward, chin up!

I am currently working on a mini re-cap of the past six months!   A re-cap of our 2011!  What a year it has been!....This story continues and it got worse for awhile - but it does get better!!!... right when we needed it most... it got better!  I want to share all the details... so stay tuned and hopefully my re-fresher course on blogging won't take too long- (I am sure it's not a good sign that I seriously cannot remember how blogger works...  yikes!)  check back in a few days!

Happy Easter!

These dashing boys have a hold on my heart....


This one, who is thoughtful, sweet and sincere

This one, who is sensitive, kind and fun loving

Even this one, who was not the most cooperate about the photo shoot...  He is tentative, silly and sweet as sugar

and this tiny one, who is tender and full of mischief and spunk.

they are my darlings....

I love them all... I love every little thing that makes them who they are.  Through the good times and the bad times I love them.  I am not a perfect mom and sometimes I wonder if I am cut out for the task- The incredible task of raising these boys who came straight from heaven... I am grateful that I do not have to be perfect, that they love me anyway...that I can work at it and that my Savior makes up the difference.  I am grateful that because of Him and through Him,  I can be with my family forever and that is what Easter is all about.  That is why it is my favorite holiday.

For THAT reason.... and for several other reasons as well...traditions, spring times, egg hunts, egg dying, egg salad sandwiches, baskets, tulips, colors, candy! All of that wrapped together is what I love about Easter!  Here are a few of our Easter traditions and happenings this year...

Easter Picnic

Every year since I can remember my mom's family has an Easter picnic.  When I was younger we always went up Green Canyon and had a bonfire, a pinata and a Easter egg hunt.  We usually went on a hike and just enjoyed exploring and being together.  But for the past several years (like 10) it has been too cold and snow covered to even think about the canyon and so we have had the picnic at my grandparents house, back by the garden or huddled around the wood burning stove in Grandpa's shop... always with a big bonfire, a hot dog roast, deviled eggs, salads... you know, pot luck style.  The kids love hunting for treats (everyone brings something to hide for all the kids) and we of course still enjoy just being together.  Last year, since my Grandpa was sick we had the picnic at our house...He came and pulled the car right up near the fire but had to stay inside where it was warm.  This year we had it here at our place again and now that Grandpa is gone it is just not the same... that is how most holidays feel around here when we all get together- like something is missing- Grandpa is missing.  Although we know where he is and we still love getting together there is something bitter sweet about our traditions.  There is something bitter sweet about death.  I miss my Grandpa, I miss hearing his voice calling me "Emily girl." At our Eater picnic I missed Grandpa's black baked potatoes hot from the fire. I always miss him.  I am so grateful for the memories and the love- that is what keeps us all together and carrying on these traditions of ours- because life goes on and we continue to build memories even with change... we enjoy, we laugh, we live, we remember and even though things feel different we make the best of it.

 The kids lined up ready for the Easter Hunt...

My cousin Jarin got pretty tricky with his hiding and Eli had to climb high to reach the prize

Elsa and Oliver.  

They are the best of friends. Just four months apart!  

She likes to "help" him and is a little mother already. 

Easter Bunny and coloring eggs

The Saturday before Easter we usually go the local market where they give out treats and get the chance to meet the Easter Bunny.  Gabe was disappointed because it was a "man-bunny" I told him maybe it was a girl bunny?.... and he said "no, mom (duh) a man was inside the bunny!"

Saturday night we made resurrection rolls ( my friend shared her recipe with me!) We talked about the last week of our Saviors life.  His atonement, his death and sacrifice for all of us.  When the rolls were done we talked about the empty tomb ... the rolls were empty inside after we baked them.  We talked about the resurrection as we enjoyed the hot cinnamon caramelized rolls.... they were fabulous and will be added to our traditions every year from now on!

Then we colored Easter Eggs- EIGHT dozen of them...

I love this picture of Ollie

 and this is how he really poses for the camera... scrunched up face, eyes closed all the while saying Cheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeese.... kind of cute but mostly it drives me crazy!

Easter Morning

The boys woke up to jelly bean trails all over the floor....and their names written out too!  They were so excited to start the day and quickly came upstairs to wake Glen and I.  they climbed in bed with us and we read the account of the first Easter from the scriptures.  We talked about that first Easter morning and how the Savior was resurrected... He had risen!  A nice start to the day but pretty soon Oliver and Gabe started getting restless and were ready to GO- so we all followed the jelly bean trails downstairs... 

The Easter Bunny left a few gifts by their names AND the following clue....

They had to go several places ( including outside...brrrrr!) to look for clues in plastic eggs that would lead them to their Easter baskets

They LOVED following the clues and were so excited when they finally found their baskets!

They dumped everything out, ate lots of candy and treats and played for awhile.

Gabe and Oliver have decided that candy is a lot more fun to scoop than sand!  Eli suggested we get a  sandbox filled with candy.... every kid's dream come true!

We warmed the resurrection rolls from the night before and ate them for breakfast.

And then the boys were ready to start hunting for the eggs that the Easter bunny had hidden all around the house...

As I prepared a few things for our Easter dinner that we were having that night with my brother and his family, the boys got out their Easter duds and once we were all ready we headed off to church. The day was filled with lots of love, plenty of fun and way too many SWEETS!...  

A Happy Easter for sure!

I HEART February

February is famous around here for being dreary- But I love February for a few reasons...

#1 my sisters always come in February
#2  the holiday in February is all about LOVE (I really like LOVE)
#3 we usually get our taxes done quickly and get our tax return in February (nice)


see... I HEART February.

Here are the some highlights...

All winter long in Cache Valley mom's just sort of hibernate. (or maybe it's just me?)  We make it through the Christmas bustle and the January blues and then February hits and we just need some LOVE So I decided to host a little LOVE party!  I invited a few girls to come over for a Valentine's Day luncheon.  I asked them all to bring one of their favorite things and we did a little gift exchange and learned more about each other too!  We ate taco salad and fruit.  The kids ate chicken nuggets and then played- it was a fun afternoon and I think we all felt the LOVE! 

a little valentine on the rocks.... from me!

the place setting... my favorite sour melt in your mouth candies.

The set up... a table for the ladies and a table for the kiddies....

The dessert bar...

the favor boxes... one last Valentine for the road!

 The Boys Valentine's Day Class parties...

 

Gabe's first Valentine's for his preschool class.

We made these for all the boys but somehow I only took pictures of Gabe's final product.  Evan and Eli's looked just the same and they all loved the picture of themselves and how they turned out!  Homemade and they weren't even that much work!

Here's Eli home from school with the loot...

and then Evan... He had a Valentine etiquette party that included all of the 5th grade students.  Earlier in the week they had some kids from the local high school come and role play ways to treat the opposite gender.  they talked about manners etc... and then for the Valentine party the kids were suppose to wear their best dress clothes and use good manners.  Evan escorted 2 girls to the party and then had to talk to them as they politely ate some refreshments.  I asked Evan how it went and he said it wasn't too bad.   I asked him what he talked with the girls about and he said they just pretended to talk when the teachers were looking at them.  hmmm?

I am usually aware of most of my boys tricks but I sort of forgot about the Valentine treats and didn't set up a plan for consumption.  A few days later I went down to gather laundry from Evan and Eli's room and noticed that these envelopes of candy were stuffed into their pillowcases... Come to find out they had been laying in bed every night secretly eating candy after lights were out and teeth were brushed!  I was kind of mad.

Starting the beginning of February we set out our "love buckets."  the boys really love this tradition of ours!  We have a "love station" that is set up with supplies- markers, stickers, paper, treats and some other craft stuff and then as a family we ask everyone to write a note to each person in our family every  day leading up to Valentine's day and fill up the love buckets.  They boys love getting little treats and notes and were constantly checking their buckets.  I love seeing what they write to each other and I love the opportunity we all get just to say nice things about each other.  I promise every time we do this- there is less fighting and more loving- its the best!  See how great February is?

the buckets start to overflow and so we spread the love by hanging our notes up to remind each other  just how much we love we have in our family!

These were some of my favorite love notes this year...

I tried to get a cute picture of my little romeo's... but it was the end of the day and they did not cooperate very well... so this is as good at it gets, oh well!   Romeo's?  More like stinkers and rag a muffins -but I sure love these boys of mine...

Still to come... Evan's spelling bee, Valentine date night, Jr. Jazz basketball, milestones and ALL the happenings while my sisters were here... yikes!