Sleeping Beauty

I know he's a boy...but he is beautiful

My pregnancy with this little beauty was a bit of a surprise... we wanted more babies but the timing was not ideal.  I said if we get another boy after these four he will be our last...every time I am pregnant, especially towards the end of my pregnancies- I feel like it is my last, who doesn't?   I couldn't even imagine having FIVE boys! Now that I have five boys though, I am not so sure that he is our last...I keep thinking how can this be the last time we see first smiles, the last time we have a crib in the next room... maybe we should have SIX!!? 

  Our life has been pretty rocky for the past two years and because of that I am always thinking and hoping and trying to figure out where we go from here... I try to imagine our future and I am not sure I can ever imagine a future without anymore babies!  Most people I know seem to know when they are done having kids... Glen and I always hoped for a "big family" but we never decided on  a specific number of children we wanted.  Maybe if we would have done that it would be easier. You know, the goal is four so that's the end... I don't know... I guess it different for everyone and there are so many different circumstances that mold each family....  I am starting to think that no matter how many kids we have, I will always miss and long for these days of babies.

I want to bottle up Simon's little laugh so I can save it forever.  I want laundry loads full of burp clothes and swaddle blankets... (and I despise laundry!) I don't want to be done with this baby stuff.  These are my thoughts today... in a few months I might feel different! I know I probably sound like a crazy lady talking of more babies when I just had one- but I am in baby love right now- you see how cute he is! I don't have a lot of control over my life at the moment and with things so uncertain it does make me feel a bit crazy and my thoughts wander...things haven't been going how we planned so maybe we should just embrace it, be poor, have 10 kids, start a farm or something??  I think maybe then I REALLY would go crazy though!..Heaven knows I am overwhelmed with the five kids I have...how could I possibly handle more? But seriously... If my life circumstances allowed, I would take 3 more babies right now!...   I told you I am in baby love!  If you think my thoughts of baby planning are over the top just ask me how I feel about having NO girls!

I have always wanted a girl (or more!) I read books on how to conceive girls, I prayed and begged for girls but always my prayers ended with " if another boy is what we are supposed to have then another boy is what we will gladly take!" because really, I love boys!  Who knows what is to come concerning more of them??

  My thoughts have come full circle as I listen to my house full of boy noises, dinner nagging at me, needing to be fixed, and I think about all the un-done housework the un-done yard work and all the things that I am doing wrong- Those thoughts have me feeling pretty content with FIVE!  I will just continue enjoying being in baby love with this sleeping beauty for now...