ready or not...

"I love being pregnant"... that is what I used to say whenever the subject came up, and as you who are ladies know... the subject comes up at just about every girls night out, play date at the park, in the break room at work, church functions etc... Women love to share and compare their pregnancy, adoption, child rearing, and especially their LABOR stories... rightly so, I guess... heaven knows these stories are like a badge of honor right?... Well this pregnancy has changed my mind a tad about the love of being pregnant. Oh, I definitely love how my heart swells with each movement that this baby makes, even the big rolling, take your breath away moves that are happening now that he's getting bigger. I loved the beginning feelings of newness and excitement mixed with a little apprehension and fear when the test was unexpectedly positive! I love feeling power within, knowing that I am a partner with God in creating a new little life... a person... it's incredibly overwhelming, humbling and...wonderful!

The reason I say that my mind has changed a tad about loving pregnancy is because, as you may know, this pregnancy has been quite different from my others...probably more of a normal pregnancy to most... but really.... I had no idea! So I've been a little more vocal in sharing my complaints...but really It has to be said that amid all these aches and pains my body is feeling, it is also filled to the top with gratefulness and love. Gratefulness because I know the heartache of wishing and hoping for a baby month after month, the emptiness that comes with losing a pregnancy... and I also know that there are so many women who cannot experience pregnancy at all. I have many friends and family members who have to deal with that realization and my heart goes out to them... it especially has these past several months as I have been anticipating this new little life growing inside of me! I hope my complaints have not offended anyone...I truly am so very blessed... and GRATEFUL! and I'm filled with love... of course... how could anyone not love a tiny soft baby, fresh from heaven, with so many dreams ahead for them!

yes this pregnancy has been difficult, but I know that there are so many things that are worse, harder things, heart breaking things that people are going through .... and my sore hips and legs, heart burn, cramps, rampant emotions, sleepless nights, sciatic pain, pelvic pressure etc.... don't seem so bad anymore! In fact I would do better to look at them as little blessings and evidences of the miracle that is to come! Not so in love with pregnancy right now?.... yes and no .... but one thing is certain...I am a very lucky girl!

The fact that there is a "light at the end of the tunnel" and some sunshine outside is definitely helping my attitude too! :) I had a doctor's appointment yesterday. I go weekly now. As you can see by checking that "baby ticker" on the right side of the screen I only have like 24 days left... I swear that thing is slow?... but seriously TWENTY FOUR days... whoa! and really I have less than that because my doctor will start me on May 8th, if I have not already had this baby by then... May 8th is in SEVENTEEN days!! So I have 17 days left or maybe less?.... I get a little nervous thinking about it... ok a LOT nervous. I am so ready... but how can you ever really be ready?? you never know what to expect... that part is so hard for me! I like to have a plan.

At the appointment we learned that I am dilated to a 2 and 70% effaced! If you don't know what that means, google it, because I am not about to explain it all. (between Evan and Eli's questions, we've been doing enough explaining around here!) To some that may seem like a lot of progress but for me that is pretty normal. I measure about a week small (my belly, that is... the rest of me measures WAY too BIG!!) and at all of the ultrasounds the baby has measured 7-10 days smaller than what the due date is... so that could mean he may not come as early as I'd like him too :)

Here are the stats: My water broke 10 days early with Evan and I was dilated to a 4 at the appointment just before that. My water broke 3 1/2 weeks early with Elijah and I was dilated to a 3 at the previous appointment. With Gabe I sort of expected the same pattern, my water would break and he'd come even earlier... but he had other plans... I was dilated to a 3 for like 3 weeks. Finally the doctor started me a week early because we were moving and just needed to get him here soon for my sake! Who knows when he would have shown himself, otherwise?? Evan weighed 7-10 Eli weighed 7-2 and Gabe weighed 7-4 So... there you have it... a few details about my badges of honor. I have never had to count and time contractions so the thought of that totally freaks me out, especially because I tend to have my babies FAST. Once I'm dilated to 7 which doesn't take long ...we are talking minutes, to a 10. With Evan the nurse said "now that your at a 7 honey, you need to just shut the lights out and rest and maybe in 3 or 4 hours we'll check you again and you might be ready for pushing." My family all relaxed and went out for a frosty at Wendy's or something and I'm not kidding- 7 minutes later I told Glen to get the nurse because I was pretty sure this baby was coming. Reluctantly she shuffled in, mumbling something about how first time moms are so anxious and she was sure that the fact that she had just checked me was causing me to contract more yada, yada, yada .... but if I insisted??... she'd check again??? I DID insist and she was shocked.... "Oh... you are ready" she said. One or two pushes was about all it took, luckily my doctor was just outside the door. The others were just as fast... so hopefully we will not be having a home birth.... pray for me... oh and tell me...

What do you predict?